Like a phoenix rising from the ashes...

Well, not really.

It's been a really, really long time since I've even logged in to this blog. I'm not really sure what the deal is or has been. I had no real reason to stop blogging and no real reason to start again. So... there's that.

The only thing really on my mind at the moment is the recent death of a friend. He passed away unexpectedly and tragically last week and his funeral was Monday. I knew he wasn't very close to most of his family anymore and I also knew that he used to be a Christian. He's been a pretty outspoken agnostic for quite some time now and lived a life style that some of his family and old friends probably would not have approved of. -That is, if they had any knowledge of it.

From the eulogies at his funeral, he was painted as this Christian soldier, as a missionary. The man these people were describing was not really the person he was when he died and it pained me. It got me thinking about closet doors and the price of hiding behind them. It also reinforced how much I don't want a funeral.

When I die, I want to be cremated and I want my ashes to be planted with a tree that will never be cut down. I'd like it to be a strong tree, like a catalpa. I want an Irish wake, with music and dancing and lots of booze. I want people to swap funny stories and celebrate my life instead of sitting around crying and feeling sorry for themselves. I don't want a silly funeral. No minister. No eulogy and no damned Jello!!

This guys is my new hero.

Because I love nothing more than to embarrass myself...



A long lost girlfriend from grade school posted this on Facebook. It's getting lots of mileage on all our pages. I'm the dumbass in the white, short-short... thing.

First of all... my parents let me dress myself.
Secondly: What the hell am I wearing?
Thirdly: Yes, I thought I was posing for Vogue.
Furthermore: Is the girl to my right farting on me?

Words... I.. have no words.



TORONTO (Reuters) – U.S. vice presidential hopeful Sarah Palin fell prey to a Canadian prankster on Saturday when he called her impersonating French President Nicolas Sarkozy and got her to accept an invitation to hunt baby seals.

In an over-the-top French accent, a member of the Quebec comedy duo "The Masked Avengers," famous for tricking celebrities and politicians including Sarkozy himself, asked if Palin would take him on a hunting trip by helicopter, and then in French said they could also go kill baby seals.

An apparently oblivious Palin said she thought that would be fun. "We could have a lot of fun together as we're getting work done. We could kill two birds with one stone that way."

The prankster also got Palin, Republican John McCain's running mate in Tuesday's U.S. presidential election, to reveal a potential ambition for the top job in Washington.

Asked if she would like to eventually become president, the Alaska governor responded, "Well, maybe in eight years."

Palin's office quickly admitted they were hoodwinked.

"Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy, and other celebrities in being targeted by these pranksters. C'est la vie," Palin spokeswoman Tracy Schmitt said in an e-mail.

Robert Gibbs, a senior advisor to Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama, told reporters in Springfield, Missouri: "I'm glad we check out our calls before we hand the phone to Barack Obama."

During the phone call, which was played for a Montreal radio program, Palin complimented the fake Sarkozy on his beautiful wife, Carla Bruni, and asked him to give her a "big hug" for her.

"You added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours," Palin said.

The prankster responded by complimenting Palin on a notorious Hustler porn film "Nailin' Paylin," which he said was a documentary of her life.

"Oh good, thank you," Palin said.

Palin also reassured the fake Sarkozy when he said he would not want to bring Vice President Dick Cheney on a hunting trip. Cheney once accidentally shot a hunting partner.

"I'll be a careful shot," she promised.

Bad blogger! No cookie! Those of you (right, like anyone reads this!)who choose to blog in white font on a black background.. do you know you are giving people migraines? I'm getting one right now. That's how I will spend my saturday... with jacked up vision and intense pain.

Here's what happens: I get about 2 lines into the blog then my vision goes wonky. I start seeing horizontal lines of dark and light, as if I were looking through mini blinds from a dark room on a sunny day. The lines don't go away for hours and after a few minutes.. the dull pounding starts.

I guess I have to stop reading them, which is sad.

I'm thinking about joining AA. I think I'm finally ready to admit that I have a problem that is interfering with my life. My addiction has caused problems, even injury to myself and my loved ones and I am finally willing to admit that
I need help.

I did some research and found the 12 steps that I will take with the help of friends, family and possibly a harsh winter.


1. We admitted we were powerless over avocados--that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than guacamole could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our tortilla chips and our limes over to the care of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (TFSM) as we understood It.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our kitchen.

5. Admitted to our produce clerk, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have our husband remove all these avocados in the house.

7. Humbly asked TFSM to remove our cravings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with TFSM, as we understood It, praying only for knowledge of It's will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Mexican restaurants, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


I'm not sure I'm ready.

Get a bucket!!! The roof's leaking. Yuck. Plaster is falling... brown stain spreading... yuckity yuck!

Hmm... Toast's roof stopped leaking and ours started within a few hours. Um.... WITCH!!! Toast is a witch!!

In other news, the kids are doing well. They are both adorable and are growing so damn fast. The baby is no longer a baby. *sad face* She is officially a toddler. Nine months old as of the 13th and she's crawling, standing, taking a few steps here and there while holding on to things, saying Da Da Da!! alot at her Daddy, and crawling up the stairs. Every new thing she does seems like a little miracle, as if she's the first kid to ever crawl. -Yet, it seems kind of bittersweet. The more independence she gains, the more I lose my little baby. Hopefully, she'll stay a mommy's girl and want to be held alot. I know I miss that with Grace.

Speaking of Grace, that girl is a trip. She's such a little brainiac. She's really into puzzles at the moment. It amazes me to see a 3 year old put together 75 piece jigsaw puzzles in a few short minutes. Her vocabulary and reasoning skills are quite advanced and she never tires of challenging me, questioning everything and demanding accountability of those around her. She is not the slightest bit shy about telling a senior citizen that they used a bad word or should take turns or wait in line.

I have some recent pics of the girls playing together. I shall upload them soon, I promise.